My professor said my essay "lacks confidence." How do you write confidently when you feel like a fraud?

[LaraFlores]

Got my essay back today. Professor's comment: "Good ideas but the writing lacks confidence. You hedge too much. Too many 'perhaps' and 'it could be argued.' Own your arguments."

I read it and thought: of course I hedge. Of course I'm tentative. I'm a first-gen student in a room full of people whose parents went to college. Whose grandparents went to college. Who grew up with books in their houses and dinner table debates about politics.

I grew up with survival. With don't ask too many questions. With who do you think you are?

Every time I write "this suggests," what I mean is "I think this but what if I'm wrong?" Every time I write "it could be argued," what I mean is "please don't yell at me for having an opinion."

My professor doesn't know this. She just sees weak writing. She doesn't see the years of conditioning that taught me to make myself small.

My roommate (also first-gen) said something helpful: "Fake it. Pretend you're someone who belongs. Eventually you stop pretending."

I'm trying. But faking confidence is exhausting.

 

[UlaCopp]

I had a professor who called this "academic impostor voice." The tendency to soften every claim because you're terrified of being wrong. She said something I'll never forget: "The scholars you're citing were also wrong sometimes. They just committed to their arguments anyway. That's the difference between contributing and summarizing."

You're not contributing if you're just suggesting possibilities. You're summarizing what might be true. But you're a scholar now. You get to say what IS true, based on your reading and thinking. Even if you're wrong. Even if someone disagrees. That's the conversation. That's the discipline.