Remember my 4 AM panic essay about water symbolism? The one I wrote on three energy drinks and zero sleep? Yeah. That one.
My professor loved it. Like, really loved it. She wrote a whole paragraph of feedback calling it "fresh" and "unexpected" and "genuinely insightful." She wants me to submit it to a undergraduate journal. A JOURNAL.
And all I can think is: she doesn't know. She doesn't know I wrote it in four hours with a pounding headache and tears in my eyes. She doesn't know I hadn't read one of the books I was analyzing. She doesn't know I made up half my sources because I couldn't find the real ones at 3 AM.
If she knew the truth, would she still think it was good? Or would she see it as the desperate scramble it actually was?
I feel like a fraud. Like I accidentally tricked a professor into thinking I'm smart when really I just got lucky with adrenaline. Like any minute someone's going to figure out that I'm not actually good at this, I'm just good at panicking.
Has anyone else had this? Success that feels undeserved because of the chaos behind it? How do you accept praise when you know the process was a disaster?
My professor loved it. Like, really loved it. She wrote a whole paragraph of feedback calling it "fresh" and "unexpected" and "genuinely insightful." She wants me to submit it to a undergraduate journal. A JOURNAL.
And all I can think is: she doesn't know. She doesn't know I wrote it in four hours with a pounding headache and tears in my eyes. She doesn't know I hadn't read one of the books I was analyzing. She doesn't know I made up half my sources because I couldn't find the real ones at 3 AM.
If she knew the truth, would she still think it was good? Or would she see it as the desperate scramble it actually was?
I feel like a fraud. Like I accidentally tricked a professor into thinking I'm smart when really I just got lucky with adrenaline. Like any minute someone's going to figure out that I'm not actually good at this, I'm just good at panicking.
Has anyone else had this? Success that feels undeserved because of the chaos behind it? How do you accept praise when you know the process was a disaster?
