MaverickJ
New member
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2026
- Messages
- 11
this is a story you guys might appreciate. So, we have this one professor who is famous for HATING the 5 paragraph essay. Like, he spends a whole lecture just ripping it apart, calling it a "cookie-cutter" format that destroys critical thinking. One day, he gets so frustrated with us, he slams his hand on the desk and goes, "Fine! You love it so much? For your next low-stakes writing assignment, I want you to write me the absolute worst, most cliché, most painfully formulaic five-paragraph essay you can possibly muster. I want it to be a parody of itself. Really lean into the awkwardness." 
At first, we were all confused. But then, it became the most fun writing assignment I've ever had. My friend wrote one where the thesis was, "This essay will discuss three things: first, thing one; second, thing two; and third, thing three." She used "in conclusion" no less than four times. I decided to write about why my favorite pizza is the best food. My intro hook was, "Since the dawn of time, humanity has searched for the perfect meal." It was so over-the-top. My body paragraphs started with "The first reason pizza is superior is..." and "Another key point to consider is..." I even made a graph for my "thirdly" paragraph, comparing the deliciousness-per-dollar ratio of pizza vs. salad.
The best part was the class discussion after. By forcing us to misuse the structure so badly, he actually taught us to see its flaws. We could see how it forced us to create these dumb, simplistic reasons. My "secondly" point about pizza was basically just a repeat of my firstly point, but I had to pretend it was new to hit the magic number three. The conclusion was just the intro all over again, but sadder. It was like putting a beautiful, complex thought through a trash compactor.
It was a really weird and effective way to learn. By writing the worst essay ever, I finally understood what he meant about structure stifling ideas. It was a lot more powerful than him just telling us it was bad. Has any other professor ever done something like this? It felt like a weird rebellion, but also a real "aha!" moment. Now, I'm actually kind of excited to try and write something that doesn't fit the mold. Mission accomplished, Professor.
At first, we were all confused. But then, it became the most fun writing assignment I've ever had. My friend wrote one where the thesis was, "This essay will discuss three things: first, thing one; second, thing two; and third, thing three." She used "in conclusion" no less than four times. I decided to write about why my favorite pizza is the best food. My intro hook was, "Since the dawn of time, humanity has searched for the perfect meal." It was so over-the-top. My body paragraphs started with "The first reason pizza is superior is..." and "Another key point to consider is..." I even made a graph for my "thirdly" paragraph, comparing the deliciousness-per-dollar ratio of pizza vs. salad.
The best part was the class discussion after. By forcing us to misuse the structure so badly, he actually taught us to see its flaws. We could see how it forced us to create these dumb, simplistic reasons. My "secondly" point about pizza was basically just a repeat of my firstly point, but I had to pretend it was new to hit the magic number three. The conclusion was just the intro all over again, but sadder. It was like putting a beautiful, complex thought through a trash compactor.
It was a really weird and effective way to learn. By writing the worst essay ever, I finally understood what he meant about structure stifling ideas. It was a lot more powerful than him just telling us it was bad. Has any other professor ever done something like this? It felt like a weird rebellion, but also a real "aha!" moment. Now, I'm actually kind of excited to try and write something that doesn't fit the mold. Mission accomplished, Professor.